A Year of Grace

One year ago I sat in this very spot and heard the news that would turn my world upside down. It would send me back around the globe to be with my family in a twist I had never seen coming. I’d be a liar if I told you I was perfectly composed that day or in any day that followed it. Truth be told, I was a mess and I remember many tearful days and nights that followed that day as I was stretched to the breaking point and beyond in the months that followed. I was reading my journal from last year and came upon my entry from May 18, 2015. It was full of raw emotion but at the end I wrote, “You [God] are good and I trust you. You give and take away. May You be praised.”

Praised. Seems like a strange response to such difficult news. However, God did not change when my circumstances did. He was the same God that was good, loving, faithful, true and caring. I knew He had my best in mind even if it looked horrible and painful. Since then, I’ve been learning what praise in the midst of sorrow and loss look like. It’s hard, sometimes you’re just going through the motions, telling your soul as David did, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 43:5 NIV. However, you know what I’ve realized in this year that’s shaken me to my core? This year has been God’s grace to me. His loving favor has been woven like a shimmering, golden strand through this whole year. Ever present, ever reminding me of His goodness, faithfulness and sovereignty. Reminding me of His love and closeness and His care for me. Ever trial has brought me nearer to Him and ever joy is sweeter because I enjoy it with and in Him. His unmerited favor has rested on me in one of the most difficult times of my life.

Today I sat and prayed and spent time thanking God for the graces of this last year. It was hard and was filled with tears but every word was sincere. I saw where His hand could have worked differently and I thanked Him for working with love and compassion at every turn. At first glance, this last year was only a year of trial, sorrow, pain and difficulty. One of toiling and struggling to cling to God and put one foot in front of the other. But as I looked from the perspective of a Christ follower I realized that this year was not a year of destruction. Instead, it was a year where God has brought me close, taught me faith, taught me to pray and softened my heart. His unmerited favor has been on my and I thank Him for this year of grace.