Shattered Clay Pots

 

photo credit to http://demortalz.com

     The pale blue of the morning sky is dotted with creamy clouds. I sit in front of my window wrapped in a blanket, letting the crisp, chilly, September air wash over me. It’s been over a month since my Mom passed away but still there are days I struggle to believe it. Struggle to conceptualize that she is gone. Struggle to understand what that means and how I should proceed. In many ways it’s getting harder rather than easier the more distance there is between our loss of her and the now. I remember when my grandparents died a year ago – after the numbness wore off the grief set in. And so it goes with this loss too.

      I’ve been struggling with what to write to you, which is why I haven’t written. What can I write? If I stay away from all that is going on in my life then I will seem flippant, surface and even somewhat cold. Nothing is further from the truth. However, I am wary of sharing the deep things of my heart for fear they are two raw, too emotional. Really, this blog isn’t the space for me to share the things I would put in a journal. However, I’ve always sought to be transparent with those of you who are on this journey with me in missions and in life, which, by definition, will be more vulnerable and emotional than a mere update about the weather in my service country or the new foods I’ve been trying lately. So, I’m in a quandary. Do I share what’s in my heart, or do I jump back into things about foreign countries and what I do on a day-to-day basis as though nothing happened?

I guess the answer is: both. Another day I will share about all the things God is doing in my ministry or how things will move forward from this point and I plan my return to Papua New Guinea But for now, I ask you to continue to pray for my family and me. We’re very much like the verses in 2 Corinthians 4:8-10, 16-18,

“ We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.........

...........That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (NLT)

      We are not crushed. We have not been driven to despair. We know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has not abandoned us and we are taking God’s hand as He is picking us back up after we have been knocked down by this loss. God is faithful and His love and goodness are sustaining and comforting us in this. These present troubles are producing things that will have eternal significance and in the mean time I am praying that people see Jesus in us through all of our brokenness. That through these shattered clay pots they will see the love, grace and compassion of Jesus as He works in and through us as we fix our eyes on the things we cannot see that will last forever.