Airports

-
Airports: the intersection of my most bitter sorrows and deepest joys. A tangled mess of gut wrenching goodbyes and laughter filled hellos. I love and hate them all at once. Corridors to my future that lead me further and further away from my past. Away from those I love, to reunite with those I love. A topsy-turvy, upside down, paradox that I can't seem to work out no matter how much I try.

 Before I left Washington people kept asking me if I was excited to go back. Yes? No? Can I get a pass on this question? I can't help but laugh. Before I lived overseas for extended periods of time I asked the same question. Now I find the question so confusing, and my emotions so convoluted around the issue, that whenever anyone asks that question I stand there dumbfounded, paralyzed by my conflicted feelings.

It's the nature of my life, my calling.  Things are more complicated now. My emotions, impressions and feelings are so different now. I'm struggling through them but grateful for them and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now I sit in my home here, windows wide open, letting in the wet afternoon air and the homey smell of warm earth and sweet wood smoke and I settle back in — at home and not at home — thankful that, despite its tensions, God allows me to live this life for and with Him wherever I happen to be.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Brokenness, Hope, and the Now and Not Yet

-
Image
Moonrise near my home       I stood in the shower, in the first truly hot shower I’ve had in over a week, the seeping cold slowly melting from my body. Words kept forming on my lips and in my heart in prayer for the twin baby who was rushed to the hospital today. The other twin died the day before yesterday and now the second was in unstable condition at a hospital about 30 minutes away. The babies are relatives of a dear friend and my heart broke in unintelligible words in the shower. It had been a rough day. One woman was brought in without a pulse and it became evident shortly into the resuscitation that she was too far gone. At the same time another baby was fighting for its life hooked to tubes and fluid bags, its fearful mother watching with wide silent eyes as staff worked on her little one.      Less than a month back to my Pacific island home and the black wall of suffering has already slapped me full in the face. The haunting reality of our broken world and the faintly glimme
Read more

A Creepy Crawly Welcome

-
Image
  Asiatic rhinoceros beetle  Flicking on the light I walked down the stairs to my basement. I had only been home for a few minutes but wanted to check the house and see what I’d need to do to get it into shape after my long absence. The upstairs was clean and tidy and ready for me to start unpacking and the whole house had been cleaned a couple of weeks before. I went down the stairs and turned the corner. I pulled up short. There if front of me was the huge inverted corpse of a spider, curled legs frozen and dangling in the web of another spider. The dead spider was at least an inch across and had to have been quite big when it was alive. Taking a broom from the wall, I poked at the dead spider, just reassuring myself that it was indeed dead. I shuddered and stepped around the web, making a mental note to clear away the cobwebs downstairs as one of my first chores. I’d only gone a step or two when I stumbled on a rhinoceros beetle that was struggling on its back. It angrily flailed it
Read more

Seasons

-
Image
 Note: I wrote this back in August and forgot to publish it, but it was too good not to share. So, you guys get two blog posts this week. :) Ukarumpa with a lovely double rainbow over it  The smell of freshly roasting coffee and rain glide through my window into my office. The weather is turning cooler and more foggy but the rain has slacked off as we creep into the dry season. And so we make another determined march through the seasons, ticking off the months in their turn. In the northern hemisphere Summer is tantalizingly close. Schools are finishing up their year and kids are counting down the days until break and endless hours without homework or classes. Right now some friends and I are studying the way God’s story starts in Genesis and wraps through the whole Bible, weaving in and out of what feel like unrelated stories and poetry and pronouncements of doom should the people not repent. But as we look for the common thread of God’s story I can see God’s rhythms of creation and g
Read more