Airports

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Airports: the intersection of my most bitter sorrows and deepest joys. A tangled mess of gut wrenching goodbyes and laughter filled hellos. I love and hate them all at once. Corridors to my future that lead me further and further away from my past. Away from those I love, to reunite with those I love. A topsy-turvy, upside down, paradox that I can't seem to work out no matter how much I try.

 Before I left Washington people kept asking me if I was excited to go back. Yes? No? Can I get a pass on this question? I can't help but laugh. Before I lived overseas for extended periods of time I asked the same question. Now I find the question so confusing, and my emotions so convoluted around the issue, that whenever anyone asks that question I stand there dumbfounded, paralyzed by my conflicted feelings.

It's the nature of my life, my calling.  Things are more complicated now. My emotions, impressions and feelings are so different now. I'm struggling through them but grateful for them and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now I sit in my home here, windows wide open, letting in the wet afternoon air and the homey smell of warm earth and sweet wood smoke and I settle back in — at home and not at home — thankful that, despite its tensions, God allows me to live this life for and with Him wherever I happen to be.

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